Gratitude & Delayed Gratification

Words from a Shepherd’s Heart #11

“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18 NLT

It’s October and I find it’s not hard to find things to be thankful for. Beautiful fall colours emerging, the Thanksgiving weekend (my favourite holiday!), lots of local fresh produce available. Even if there weren’t so many things to be grateful for, I appreciate the intentionality of having a season dedicated to being thankful. But as I look at 1 Thessalonians 5:18 and other passages in the Bible, I’m being challenged to be thankful not just in the joyful times but in all circumstances.

Being parents who practice faith at home is not about just taking our children to church on Sundays and the occasional other church event. It’s living faith on a daily basis. It’s taking seriously the fact that we have a relationship with God which makes a difference in how we live and what is important to us. It means practicing gratitude ourselves and teaching it to our children. It means learning to thank God in all of our circumstances (notice it’s not “for” all our circumstances) as well as saying prayers of thanksgiving with our family.

So how do we do this? Is it realistic? Does God really want this to become a regular practice, or is it just one of those things we say but don’t really mean? I think there are
two parts to understanding how and why people who follow Jesus practice gratitude regularly.

The first part is that we acknowledge who God is and what he has done for us. This is modeled for us throughout the Bible as we see people thanking God for what he has done in their lives. We can practice this daily as we look back through our day or week and see how God has brought us through trials, challenges, provided for us, and given us good gifts. We also look ahead and know that God will continue to provide for us, give us his grace, and help us through whatever is to come. Check out this list a psalmist writes:

“Let all that I am praise the Lord;
may I never forget the good things he does for me.
He forgives all my sins
and heals all my diseases.
He redeems me from death
and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
He fills my life with good things.
My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!” Psalm 103:2-5


As a family, try writing your own psalm or prayer of thanks to God. List specific ways hehas provided for your family, and how you anticipate he will continue to work in your lives.

The second part to learning to live a life of gratitude is practicing delayed gratification. This is one of those practices that seems good on paper but can be challenging to live out, especially with our children. Our culture is geared toward instant gratification. Credit cards for adults enable this, advertising promotes it, and our own desires long for it.

Our children are also being bombarded with this message on a daily basis. If they want something, they want it NOW! And sometimes we can fall into the temptation to give into their demands because we’re tired, it’s just easier to give in than to hold our ground, or we just don’t see the problem with it. But learning to delay our gratification is an essential part of becoming emotionally mature and leaning into the promises of God while not always experiencing them in the way we think we should.

Let me unpack this a little more. We started giving our children an allowance fairly young – probably when they were 4 or 5. We’d give them a quarter per week and every year they got older, they would get a “raise” in their allowance. There were a few reasons for giving them this money. One was to help them understand the value and cost of items. When we went to a store and they would see something they wanted to buy, we would ask them how much money they had and how much they would need to buy the item. Often they would need to save up for a few weeks to buy what they wanted – or they could spend it all on candy, if they chose instead (thankfully a quarter didn’t buy much!). As they got older, they could opt to do extra chores to earn more money toward the items they wanted to buy. We were trying to teach them the value of money and that they had the ability to work to earn more.

The other benefit to this was delayed gratification. They would see something they wanted and would be filled with desire for it, wanting to buy it immediately. Their limited funds would prevent them from doing that, and the weeks of waiting as they saved up often resulted in one of two things – their passion for that item cooled as they realized it wasn’t really worth all the effort and waiting or, they would appreciate it even more after having purchased it, because it took so long to get.

Psychologists have done some research on this topic. Watch this fun video of children trying to practice delayed gratification with the marshmallow test. Try practicing delayed gratification with your family by asking everyone to write down or say one or two things they really want. Then have them list all the ways God has already given them good things that are like that item. For example, if a child desires a new toy or piece of clothing, have them list beside it all of the toys and clothes they have that they like and enjoy. Then thank God for all he has already given.

There are many things in life that we desire and long for but God doesn’t give us (or give us right away). He makes us wait for it, not as a way of teasing us or frustrating us, but to draw us to him – he is, ultimately, what we desire. As we learn to wait on him our gratitude is magnified because we are being filled with what is significantly better than all we could hope or imagine. Let’s make a point of practicing thankfulness daily!

Resources
Activities your child can do to practice thankfulness
Teaching your child thankfulness
5 ways to teach children self control and delayed gratification

7 ways to teach your child delayed gratification


Watch for weekly vlogs this month from Pastor Sarah on this topic: onthejourney.ca and social media (@tjckids, @tjc.kids)

Sarah Cogswell is Pastor of Children and Families at The Journey Church in Moncton, NB,Canada. She and her husband David have been married for 24 years and are parents to three amazing teenage/young adult boys. She spent 9 years caring for children in her home, and has hosted 18 international students throughout the years. She is currently working on her Master of Divinity through Acadia Divinity College and enjoys learning and experiencing ministry and faith all at the same time. You can contact Sarah by emailing sarah@onthejourney.ca.