Lament: This is NOT a fake-it-till-you-make-it kind of prayer

Have you ever felt like you just needed to have a good cry? That if you could just get it all out you would somehow feel better? Maybe you’re like me and you don’t really like to cry – especially not publicly. It feels vulnerable, uncomfortable, and it’s hard to let yourself really “ugly cry” when others are watching.

Maybe for you it’s not that you actually want to cry tears but you want to let out a stream of pent up thoughts and feelings. If only you could say what was really on your mind – honestly, with all the raw emotion that comes with it. Where can you do that safely and not feel like you’re being judged by which words come out? Where can you express yourself fully and be heard? Understood?

What would you say if I told you that God not only gives us permission to cry (tears) and cry out but has created a whole type of language or method for it? Pretty crazy, right? It’s called lament and it’s all through the Bible.

Definitions for lament include crying out in grief, wailing, and passionately expressing grief and sorrow. We might see it used for lighter things – like lamenting that there is still snow in spring or that our favorite show has been discontinued. But in the Bible it’s a deep, gut-wrenching, wailing kind of self expression that doesn’t hold back. Here are some examples.

O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
 How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die. (Psalm 13:1-3, NLT)

My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
Why are you so far away when I groan for help?
Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer.
Every night I lift my voice, but I find no relief. (Psalm 22:1-2, NLT)

The thought of my suffering and homelessness
is bitter beyond words.
I will never forget this awful time,
as I grieve over my loss. (Lamentations 3:19-20, NLT)

A good chunk of the Psalms are laments where the psalmists express their pain, disappointment, and even anger with God. There’s a whole book called Lamentations. There are also laments in the writings of the prophets and Job. Even Jesus lamented as he looked over Jerusalem and mourned the upcoming destruction that would happen. God also laments:

“Listen, O heavens! Pay attention, earth!
This is what the Lord says:
“The children I raised and cared for
have rebelled against me.

Even an ox knows its owner,
and a donkey recognizes its master’s care—
but Israel doesn’t know its master.
My people don’t recognize my care for them.” (Isaiah 1:2-3, NLT)

In a way, as we lament, we are echoing back God’s sorrow and pain over the suffering and sin of the world. In Romans 8, Paul talks about this painful in-between place we are in – between Jesus’ first coming to save us and his second coming to set all things right. God’s Spirit in us groans at the injustices in creation. So we enter into God’s pain as we lament with him and to him.

“All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance.” (Romans 8:22-23, MSG)

Laments are honest, full of raw emotion, telling God how we feel in this moment and how circumstances are affecting us. We don’t try to clean up our words and make everything seem “fine.” We don’t fake-it-to-make-it, pretending that we don’t have any problems. We bring all of our problems out in the open and straight to God. If someone were to listen in, it may seem like we don’t trust God by what we’re saying but the fact that we are saying them to God shows our trust he is listening and will do something about it. There is hope in the midst of pain because of this.

But I trust in your unfailing love. 
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
I will sing to the Lord
because he is good to me. (Psalm 13:5-6, NLT)

I will proclaim your name to my brothers and sisters.
I will praise you among your assembled people.

For he has not ignored or belittled the suffering of the needy.
He has not turned his back on them,
but has listened to their cries for help. (Psalm 22:22, 24, NLT)

As we go through the season of Lent and Easter, this can become a very natural rhythm of crying out in anguish over what Jesus has to suffer on the cross, and the hope and confidence of his resurrection. Jesus used Psalm 22 when he was on the cross to express his pain and grief but also hinting at hope in the midst of suffering.

In everyday life we experience seasons and moments of suffering, pain, unfulfilled hopes and dreams, disappointments, and much more. This rhythm of lament can be part of our language to express these things to God. We don’t have to hold back and can fully express our desires, longings, hurt, and fears to him. And as we do so, it’s an act of trust – trusting that he hears us, acknowledges what we feel, and cares deeply for us even in this.

Lament is not a magical formula for getting God to do what we want him to, but it is a way of inviting him into our circumstances and bringing our whole self to him. We may find that through the practice of lament he turns ashes into beauty, our mourning into joyous blessing, and our despair into festive praise (Isaiah 61:3).

Practicing Lament

To practice lament you can use a Psalm of lament, like Psalm 13, 42, or 142, and use it as a prayer. Fill in some of your own feelings, or allow yourself to cry out with the Psalmist from the places of pain and longing for more. It can also become a way of praying for others you know are suffering.

Another practice is writing your own lament. This can be a form of journaling your prayers, or even as a type of poetry, however you like to express yourself. Try using the rhythms of the Biblical lament by being honest about your thoughts and feelings, turning to God with them, and trusting that God does hear you and will do something about it.