From One Shepherd To Another
Shepherd:
noun -A person who tends and rears sheep; verb – to tend (sheep) as a shepherd, to guide or direct in a particular direction.
A few years ago I visited my parents while they were staying in Scotland. We saw many sheep along the way and on one particular island saw them everywhere. My husband played golf around them as they meandered across the course; we watched them eating near abandoned houses or near the post office. I was surprised that I didn’t see anyone actively caring for them but then I realized that we were on an extremely small island and there was nowhere for them to go!
The image we see of a shepherd in Scripture is much different. Psalm 23 describes God as a Shepherd who is intentionally leading his flock to places of safety, abundance, and rest. The shepherd walks with his sheep on the mountain tops and in the valleys.
As a parent, I see myself as the latter kind of shepherd. I am intentional in teaching my children how to care for themselves. Yes, doing laundry, washing dishes, and knowing how to cook pasta are life skills! I make sure they eat healthy food, do their homework, and get to bed on time (although now they go to bed later than I do). I check out their media posts (the ones they let me see!) and keep an observant eye on what they’re up to, what they’re into, and where they’re going. I feel responsible for their emotional, physical, and mental well-being and their spiritual well-being.
Long before my church called me to the role of pastor, I saw myself as a pastor to my children and the children I’ve cared for over the years. This role of pastor is often described as being like a shepherd (Acts 20:28). I like this picture of a shepherd. Maybe it’s because I had memorized Psalm 23 as a young girl and would picture myself as a little sheep with Jesus protecting me and taking care of me. It’s also an apt image for parenting as I empathize with the shepherd’s job of trying to corral and take care of an unruly flock that doesn’t seem to know danger when it’s looking them in the face!
As parents we guide or direct our children on the fine points of how to brush teeth, make the bed, and create a schedule for homework, but how do we shepherd our children spiritually? How do we, as Jesus followers, raise our children to be Jesus followers, too? Does it just come naturally or is it the church’s job to make sure that happens? What if we didn’t have parents who were Christians to show us how it’s done, or maybe they were but didn’t really know what they were doing either? Can we just “wing it” and hope for the best?
I’m going to admit right up front that I am not an expert on children but I am experienced. I’m in the midst of raising three teenage boys and see ways that I have failed and ways that God’s grace has covered me (and them!). I’ve also noticed something very interesting as I’ve prayed for my boys over the years. Every time I’ve asked God to change something in their lives, I noticed that he started doing that very thing in my life. This hasn’t been just a once-in-a-while thing – it’s been an almost-every-time thing! Gradually, it dawned on me: God’s work in my children’s lives is directly linked to his work in my life. If I see something I want changed in their life, it’s probably something that needs to be changed in my life as well.
So back to the question of how we shepherd our children in their faith. It starts with us and our faith. It makes me think of what I hear every time I go up in an airplane. They always go over what to do in case of an emergency. When those little bags pop down, they say over and over again, make sure you put on your own first before helping anyone else. You can’t help anyone if you can’t breathe. As parents, we often want to put the needs of our children first, thinking that is the most loving thing to do. But we can’t shepherd them if we aren’t first being shepherded. We can’t train them to be followers of Jesus if we aren’t following ourselves. We put the bag on ourselves first, then we can go about helping others.
There are lots of great books, podcasts, and expert advice on how to guide our children. The reality, though, is that it’s a messy, day-in-day-out adventure. There will be many failures, lots of grace and prayers, and successes along the way. But don’t give up! The good news is that God is our Shepherd and he knows all about our mistakes but loves us anyway. The more time you spend with him, the more he will rub off on you and turn you into the shepherd he wants you to be.
Sarah Cogswell is Pastor of Children & Families at The Journey Church in Moncton, NB, Canada. She is the mother of three amazing teenage boys; spent 9 years caring for children in her home, and hosted 17 international students throughout the years. She is currently working on her Master of Divinity through Acadia Divinity College and enjoys learning and experiencing ministry and faith all at the same time. You can contact Sarah by emailing sarah@onthejourney.ca.